being of two minds

Today I left work early as I do on Sundays and speaking of the sun, it was a beautiful sunny day. I thought I should erh... go somewhere! so I did. I went to Above Ground Art Supplies, the equivalent of a candy store for me. I walked about and started down an aile but was stopped by a group of young people standing there. I said "sorry" in a friendly manner. The girl blocking the way moved 5 milimetres back. She had a coffee in hand. I said sorry again, she remained frozen there and did not look at me at all. Not sure what to do I went through, brushing against her. Then I felt anger. I was surprised at that anger since, after all, I had meant not to disturb : the girl remained undisturbed - so why the anger? 

...Pondering on that I walked up to Baldwin street, a really nice street just above the AGO. Spent money I don't have there, then on my way back down to Dundas street, I passed a group of older folks walking and talking. I squeezed by the wall but I could already see that the lady on my side was not going to alter her course a milimetre. I squeezed more against the wall, she brushed past me and I scraped my pants against the rough wall. I felt anger again.

That's when I remembered what my sister said to me once: we are, in times like that, of two minds: we want to be kind and when people take what we offer we are angry. Why? because we didn't really mean to give, or, we gave but only if we obtained thanks for it. That is "being of two minds". I vowed right then and there ; and you can hold me to it ; to no longer be trapped by these conflicting emotions.

It reminded me of how much I need to meditate to improve on things like that.

Illustration by wonderful Moebius.

brown doll

Yes!  Brown doll is taking shape and as of today she has a finished face! Here she is.
More about her on my flickr page.

butter dish memories

I was washing this butter dish I had bought in a vintage store, a short while ago. And I was thinking – I bought it because I had been wanting one just like it for a long time. How odd that it brings up a whole slice of my childhood even though I can not remember my mom owning one like this... my Grand-Ma maybe? ...Anyhow, it is so fascinating how memories work. When I hold this in my hand, I feel I am holding my childhood, even though I have no image in my mind of such thing.

I have noticed it before: finding a book and knowing we had it at home yet not having a visual memory of it. I guess you can preserve the emotion of an object without saving a picture for it. It is the emotion you recognize... not the object!

...

While I'm here, I want to mention the true story of this little wicker tray you see, under the butter dish in the photo. It came from my dad. Once he had moved to his last home in the 80's, he still had a whole warehouse of all the things he had accumulated from his life, inherited from the aunt who raised him and I was thinking as I walked through it with him one day when I was still young. "He has given us so few of his things and here he is, with so many possessions that he even needs a warehouse to hold it, in addition to his home! I looked with my eyes for something I could ask him to give me. I picked up this tray and showed it to him. He looked at it with wondrous eyes and said "this is very ...very old".

I knew that in the mouth of my dad such statement had a whole different meaning than in an other. My dad had an antique store, all he owned in his house was antique, He could recognize the era of any piece of furniture from ancient time till last year and had a very sharp eye for craftmanship, style and character. I did not comment on that then but asked him if I could have it. He said yes and apologized for the dirt on it.

And ever since then, I have wondered... How old is it ...really???

dishes drying